Choices

We all make them. Everyday. Sometimes they're good ones, sometimes they're bad. Sometimes we make the choices that are least favorable, often because another person drove us to it.

As for me, I've made my choice. It's not the one I would have liked, but it's the best one I can make -- not just for me, but for those that I care about also. And I'm sorry that I have to say this, but you drove me to it. If you want to know the reason why we're not speaking right now, why our relationship is barely hanging on by the thinnest of threads, all you have to do is look in the mirror. 

The way you choose to handle problems is frustrating. And infuriating. So completely and utterly maddening. Not to mention the fact that it's not something I need to be focusing on right now. So I won't. I'm done. 

See, I've got this new motto: Fight for the things that are worth fighting for and worry about the people who want to be worried about. And I intend to stick to it; otherwise, I'm very liable to go insane over all of this. That is something that I absolutely refuse to do. 

So, I'm sorry if I don't find you worth fighting for or worrying about, but I don't. And you have only yourself to blame. You and your pride or stubbornness or whatever the hell you want to call what you're doing. Whatever it is, I'm done with it. 

I've made my choice. And I don't regret it for one second. As always, I'm doing what needs to be done for myself, my fiance and the rest of my family who cares enough to be a part of my life, instead of simply causing problems in it. 

We all make choices. And I feel certain that I'm making the right one. Can you say the same about your choices? 

No Tears Left to Cry

I realized something today. And it was something pretty big -- something I hadn't be able to do before now. And that something was that I don't have any more tears left for you. What little I had left, I cried this morning -- and believe me, there weren't that many of them. 

You say I've grown up? Well, yes, I have. Unfortunately, you haven't. You're 46 years old and you're still behaving like a child. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that I'm behaving more like an adult than you are. And that, my dear mother, is extremely sad. 

You know, you taught me that crying was a sign of weakness. That it didn't do you any good, so why do it in the first place? And, I guess that a good bit of that is right. I mean, no, crying doesn't do me any good. God only knows how much I've cried over things that you've done to me -- and all those tears, they changed absolutely nothing. Well, except for one thing: They made me stronger. 

Those millions upon millions of salty drops of water? They taught me not to rely on you. They taught me to start standing on my own two feet for a change. They taught me that you weren't someone I could look up to any more. And, finally, they taught me that making decisions on my own -- however difficult -- was the best thing for me. 

Yes, those tears have made me stronger. And, while I'm not at my strongest yet, I know that I can't keep letting myself cry over you. Not a single one of those tears have changed your actions or attitude. So I'm done wasting my time and energy on you. 

Crying may very well be a sign of weakness. If that's the case, then you won't be able to reach me through any weakness by that route. I'm stronger than that and I don't need to keep shedding tears for something -- or someone -- that will never change.

Let the Countdown Begin!

Pretty disappointed that the Cats lost on Saturday. :( It was a rather exciting -- and frustrating -- game, though. Next year is going to be absolutely awesome. 

Anyway, as of today, there are exactly 47 days until I marry the best man on the planet. :O And there's still a lot of things to get accomplished. The two biggest things (besides getting the last bit of invitations sent out) are the wedding cake and the flowers. And I'm finding that, for a girl, I know absolutely nothing about flowers. I've got a few ideas, but I'm not entirely sure about them. 

However, on the plus side, I think I've decided what I want to do with the wedding cake. Actually, I should probably say, the wedding cupcakes. :) I have a feeling that cupcakes would actually be cheaper to do than a whole big cake. But, even if it's not cheaper, I still like the idea. It's different and, honestly, way more fun than the traditional tiered wedding cake. 


Overall,even amid all the stress of finalizing everything, I'm getting extremely excited about this. I know there will be times when I won't be nearly as thrilled about it, but those times will definitely pass, along with the stress. In my heart, I know I'm doing the right thing. And for that, I'm willing to put up with anything. Because it's not all the little details of the day that really matter; it's the meaning and outcome of the day that's really important. Hopefully, I can keep this at the forefront of my mind, no matter what happens in the next 47 days.

Wildcat Fever: It's Contagious

Whenever people ask me something sports-related about the University of Kentucky, I'm always very quick to tell them that I'm not there to follow the athletics program -- I'm there solely to get a good education. Granted, the University of Kentucky has an excellent athletics program, specifically their football and basketball teams. But I try to get the point across that, while the program is great, it's not the main reason I came to UK. 

Surprisingly, that doesn't mean that I don't get excited when one of our teams does exceptionally well. Take last night for example: UK beat North Carolina for a spot in the Final Four of the NCAA Tournament. That's a pretty big deal, considering our team hasn't made it to the Final Four in several years (not being a complete sports buff, I don't know the exact amount). 

Everyone in Lexington was going crazy last night about the win. And, the strange thing is, I'm finding myself getting excited about it, too. So excited, that I want to watch the Final Four game this Saturday night -- and I hope they win! I mean, I've always enjoyed basketball (mostly because I understand it); I played for a few years when I was younger. And I was raised to be a UK fan practically since birth. But I've never really had a desire to watch a basketball game on television before. I've tried and gotten bored about halfway through. 

Maybe it's because I'm a student at UK now or maybe I've simply caught the "fever" that has been going around campus (and around town), but whatever the reason, I really want to watch this game -- as well as other games that we play.  Who knew that it would take the Wildcats getting to the Final Four to put me in such a basketball watching mood?

Let's Try This Again

So, I tried to start a blog a couple years ago, but it didn't really seem to work out to well -- I was never able to do such a great job at actually keeping it going. Hopefully, this time will be better. 

Anyway, I guess I should explain a little bit about myself. My name is Crystal. I'm a sophomore at the University of Kentucky and I'm studying Psychology. And in less than two months, I will be getting married to the best man on the planet. 

That being said, I think it's safe to say that I happen to have a lot of stress to deal with. Between school, family and wedding planning, life can get pretty hectic for me sometimes. Thankfully, I've got a core group of friends and relatives to help me through the tough times. But I have to be honest, sometimes they aren't enough. 

See, I'm a reader -- I mean, I love reading. And, as is usually the case with most readers, I also enjoy writing. Mostly, I prefer writing fiction, but over the years I've come to like writing thoughtful, more personal pieces as well. I've also come to find that writing is an excellent means of catharsis for me -- especially in the past few years. 

Writing is a way for me to get my feelings out in ways that I can't seem to manage through any other activity. Talking doesn't always work in the same way; and bottling things up certainly is never a good answer. But writing really seems to do the trick. It helps me to get all the thoughts that are in my head out of the way. 

The title of this blog perfectly describes its purpose -- this is the reason why I write. I write because, not writing would most definitely lead to my going insane. And, since I can't have that happen, I've decided to attempt to write at least once every few days. 

What that means is, basically whenever I feel the need to vent or express myself in any way, I will get on here and write about it. This will probably happen a lot in the next two months. Here's hoping that I stay true to my "plan" and that you all enjoy the results of this little cathartic exercise.