I realized something today. And it was something pretty big -- something I hadn't be able to do before now. And that something was that I don't have any more tears left for you. What little I had left, I cried this morning -- and believe me, there weren't that many of them.
You say I've grown up? Well, yes, I have. Unfortunately, you haven't. You're 46 years old and you're still behaving like a child. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that I'm behaving more like an adult than you are. And that, my dear mother, is extremely sad.
You know, you taught me that crying was a sign of weakness. That it didn't do you any good, so why do it in the first place? And, I guess that a good bit of that is right. I mean, no, crying doesn't do me any good. God only knows how much I've cried over things that you've done to me -- and all those tears, they changed absolutely nothing. Well, except for one thing: They made me stronger.
Those millions upon millions of salty drops of water? They taught me not to rely on you. They taught me to start standing on my own two feet for a change. They taught me that you weren't someone I could look up to any more. And, finally, they taught me that making decisions on my own -- however difficult -- was the best thing for me.
Yes, those tears have made me stronger. And, while I'm not at my strongest yet, I know that I can't keep letting myself cry over you. Not a single one of those tears have changed your actions or attitude. So I'm done wasting my time and energy on you.
Crying may very well be a sign of weakness. If that's the case, then you won't be able to reach me through any weakness by that route. I'm stronger than that and I don't need to keep shedding tears for something -- or someone -- that will never change.
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