We all make them. Everyday. Sometimes they're good ones, sometimes they're bad. Sometimes we make the choices that are least favorable, often because another person drove us to it.
As for me, I've made my choice. It's not the one I would have liked, but it's the best one I can make -- not just for me, but for those that I care about also. And I'm sorry that I have to say this, but you drove me to it. If you want to know the reason why we're not speaking right now, why our relationship is barely hanging on by the thinnest of threads, all you have to do is look in the mirror.
The way you choose to handle problems is frustrating. And infuriating. So completely and utterly maddening. Not to mention the fact that it's not something I need to be focusing on right now. So I won't. I'm done.
See, I've got this new motto: Fight for the things that are worth fighting for and worry about the people who want to be worried about. And I intend to stick to it; otherwise, I'm very liable to go insane over all of this. That is something that I absolutely refuse to do.
So, I'm sorry if I don't find you worth fighting for or worrying about, but I don't. And you have only yourself to blame. You and your pride or stubbornness or whatever the hell you want to call what you're doing. Whatever it is, I'm done with it.
I've made my choice. And I don't regret it for one second. As always, I'm doing what needs to be done for myself, my fiance and the rest of my family who cares enough to be a part of my life, instead of simply causing problems in it.
We all make choices. And I feel certain that I'm making the right one. Can you say the same about your choices?
Monday, April 18, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
No Tears Left to Cry
I realized something today. And it was something pretty big -- something I hadn't be able to do before now. And that something was that I don't have any more tears left for you. What little I had left, I cried this morning -- and believe me, there weren't that many of them.
You say I've grown up? Well, yes, I have. Unfortunately, you haven't. You're 46 years old and you're still behaving like a child. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that I'm behaving more like an adult than you are. And that, my dear mother, is extremely sad.
You know, you taught me that crying was a sign of weakness. That it didn't do you any good, so why do it in the first place? And, I guess that a good bit of that is right. I mean, no, crying doesn't do me any good. God only knows how much I've cried over things that you've done to me -- and all those tears, they changed absolutely nothing. Well, except for one thing: They made me stronger.
Those millions upon millions of salty drops of water? They taught me not to rely on you. They taught me to start standing on my own two feet for a change. They taught me that you weren't someone I could look up to any more. And, finally, they taught me that making decisions on my own -- however difficult -- was the best thing for me.
Yes, those tears have made me stronger. And, while I'm not at my strongest yet, I know that I can't keep letting myself cry over you. Not a single one of those tears have changed your actions or attitude. So I'm done wasting my time and energy on you.
Crying may very well be a sign of weakness. If that's the case, then you won't be able to reach me through any weakness by that route. I'm stronger than that and I don't need to keep shedding tears for something -- or someone -- that will never change.
You say I've grown up? Well, yes, I have. Unfortunately, you haven't. You're 46 years old and you're still behaving like a child. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that I'm behaving more like an adult than you are. And that, my dear mother, is extremely sad.
You know, you taught me that crying was a sign of weakness. That it didn't do you any good, so why do it in the first place? And, I guess that a good bit of that is right. I mean, no, crying doesn't do me any good. God only knows how much I've cried over things that you've done to me -- and all those tears, they changed absolutely nothing. Well, except for one thing: They made me stronger.
Those millions upon millions of salty drops of water? They taught me not to rely on you. They taught me to start standing on my own two feet for a change. They taught me that you weren't someone I could look up to any more. And, finally, they taught me that making decisions on my own -- however difficult -- was the best thing for me.
Yes, those tears have made me stronger. And, while I'm not at my strongest yet, I know that I can't keep letting myself cry over you. Not a single one of those tears have changed your actions or attitude. So I'm done wasting my time and energy on you.
Crying may very well be a sign of weakness. If that's the case, then you won't be able to reach me through any weakness by that route. I'm stronger than that and I don't need to keep shedding tears for something -- or someone -- that will never change.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Let the Countdown Begin!
Pretty disappointed that the Cats lost on Saturday. :( It was a rather exciting -- and frustrating -- game, though. Next year is going to be absolutely awesome.
Anyway, as of today, there are exactly 47 days until I marry the best man on the planet. :O And there's still a lot of things to get accomplished. The two biggest things (besides getting the last bit of invitations sent out) are the wedding cake and the flowers. And I'm finding that, for a girl, I know absolutely nothing about flowers. I've got a few ideas, but I'm not entirely sure about them.
However, on the plus side, I think I've decided what I want to do with the wedding cake. Actually, I should probably say, the wedding cupcakes. :) I have a feeling that cupcakes would actually be cheaper to do than a whole big cake. But, even if it's not cheaper, I still like the idea. It's different and, honestly, way more fun than the traditional tiered wedding cake.
Overall,even amid all the stress of finalizing everything, I'm getting extremely excited about this. I know there will be times when I won't be nearly as thrilled about it, but those times will definitely pass, along with the stress. In my heart, I know I'm doing the right thing. And for that, I'm willing to put up with anything. Because it's not all the little details of the day that really matter; it's the meaning and outcome of the day that's really important. Hopefully, I can keep this at the forefront of my mind, no matter what happens in the next 47 days.
Anyway, as of today, there are exactly 47 days until I marry the best man on the planet. :O And there's still a lot of things to get accomplished. The two biggest things (besides getting the last bit of invitations sent out) are the wedding cake and the flowers. And I'm finding that, for a girl, I know absolutely nothing about flowers. I've got a few ideas, but I'm not entirely sure about them.
However, on the plus side, I think I've decided what I want to do with the wedding cake. Actually, I should probably say, the wedding cupcakes. :) I have a feeling that cupcakes would actually be cheaper to do than a whole big cake. But, even if it's not cheaper, I still like the idea. It's different and, honestly, way more fun than the traditional tiered wedding cake.
Overall,even amid all the stress of finalizing everything, I'm getting extremely excited about this. I know there will be times when I won't be nearly as thrilled about it, but those times will definitely pass, along with the stress. In my heart, I know I'm doing the right thing. And for that, I'm willing to put up with anything. Because it's not all the little details of the day that really matter; it's the meaning and outcome of the day that's really important. Hopefully, I can keep this at the forefront of my mind, no matter what happens in the next 47 days.
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